Homer takes Bart, Lisa, and Rod and Todd Flanders to see “The Wild Dingleberries Movie” at a local theater. When Homer discovers the showing has sold out, he takes the kids to see an R-rated horror film called “The Re-deadening,” which features Lenny in a small role. The kids are traumatized by the intensity of the movie, which features killer dolls with baby button-eyes. That night Bart and Lisa are unable to sleep, and they hear strange noises coming from somewhere in the house. The following night Lisa takes a video camera into the basement, a la The Blair Witch Project, to see if she can pinpoint the source of the noise. She discovers some chicken bones on the floor. Homer claims they’re not his, and insists he throws his chicken bones in the hamper where they belong. Suddenly the sound of a theremin fills the air. The family rushes to the attic, where Artie Ziff is playing the instrument.

Ziff tells the Simpsons that he lost his fortune when the dot-com bubble burst. Since he has no relatives or friends, he decided to take up residence in the house, as Marge is the closest thing he’s ever had to true love. Marge reminds him that they had one date, and he misbehaved himself throughout. Homer thinks it’s a bad idea to let Ziff stay in the house, until Ziff bribes him with a suitcase full of pizza bagels. As time passes, Ziff befriends Bart and Lisa and makes himself useful around the house. While watching television, Marge sees a news report about Ziff, who’s being investigated by the S.E.C. for criminal accounting irregularities. That night Homer plays poker with his friends and Ziff. When Ziff realizes he’s out of cash, he wagers ninety-eight percent of the outstanding shares of ZiffCorp stock. Homer wins the hand, and moments later S.E.C. officials burst into the room. Homer unwisely announces that he’s the majority shareholder of ZiffCorp. The agents place Homer under arrest.

Homer’s trial does not go well. Marge tells Ziff that Homer is going to prison, and blames everything on Ziff’s selfishness. Ziff realizes she’s right. Depressed, he heads for Moe’s tavern, where he bumps into Patty and Selma. It’s love at first sight. Selma drags Ziff out of the bar and they head for her place, where they make love. Ziff announces that he’s a new man. He can no longer stand by while Homer rots in prison. He gives investigators a new set of books proving that he, not Homer, is financially culpable for the ZiffCorp farrago. Homer is released from prison. Ziff, meanwhile, adjusts to life behind bars… and begins extinguishing the cigarettes of his fellow inmates, causing a worried Marge to wonder how long Artie has to live.