Marge experiences a dream about handsome James Patterson, author of the mystery novel Kiss the Girls. When her bedroom alarm clock sounds, Marge realizes she overslept. She heads downstairs to get the family out the door. She’s relieved to discover that Homer packed the kids’ lunches, and got them off to school. While riding the bus, Bart realizes his lunch bag contains only Grampa’s medication. Bart decides there’s only one thing to do: he’s going to “scare up” a sandwich by frightening the other kids with a spooky story about a murderer named Dark Stanley. The ploy works, and horrified classmates run off in horror, leaving behind their lunches. Dozens of screaming kids pour out of the school, destroying Superintendent Chalmers’ antique cologne bottle collection. Chalmers decides that Bart needs to see a therapist. Groundskeeper Willie rounds up the children who fled the school. Chalmers orders the kids to return to class, but seven poor-looking children remain behind. Cletus pulls up in a truck. He tells Chalmers his kids don’t go to school. Skinner admits that this is true: he’s convinced the hillbillies will drive down test scores, and the school will lose federal funding. Lisa overhears the conversation, and promises to do something about it. Chalmers and Skinner break into song, wondering how they’re going to stop her.

Skinner and Chalmers meet with Lisa. They suggest a compromise: she will tutor Cletus’s children. Lisa loves the idea. Homer drives Bart to the office of Dr. Swanson. Swanson wins Bart over by suggesting they spend some time playing violent video games. Later Bart laughs as they play Mad Libs. Afterward, Swanson asks Bart what he’s learned from the experience. Bart tells her that Homer is responsible for his bad behavior. A drunken Homer denies this is true. Lisa gives the Spuckler children a tour of Springfield’s hip downtown area. Lisa and the kids break into song, thoroughly impressing Krusty. Sensing a potential goldmine, Krusty offers them a spot on his show. During another session at Swanson’s office, Bart pours out his heart and soul. Bart grows visibly upset when Swanson informs him it’s their last session together. He feels as if he’s just been dumped by a significant other. Krusty tells Cletus he’s hiring his children to be on the show. Despite Lisa’s concerns, Cletus signs the contract.

The Spuckler kids are a huge hit on Krusty’s show, but Lisa fears their appearance only solidifies negative stereotypes against country people, making them look like ignorant hillbillies. Krusty gives the Spuckler kids their own prime-time special, with songs composed by Broadway great Stephen Sondheim. Lisa grows concerned when the kids spend more time rehearsing than studying. She also worries that Cletus is spending all their earnings on himself. Marge grows concerned when she notices Bart talking to an empty chair, as if he’s sitting next to his therapist. She comes up with the money for Bart to attend more sessions with Swanson. Eventually Bart works through his emotional problems. He hops off the couch, and heads for the door. Before long Swanson experiences her own withdrawals. She expresses her concerns to her psychologist, who resembles Peter Bogdanovich’s character from The Sopranos. Krusty announces that the children will be going on tour. Lisa intervenes by getting Cletus’s wife Brandine to come forward. She says that Cletus is father to only two of the children. Krusty gives up on the tour idea.