Homer reads the paper while the family eats breakfast. He discovers the section called “Fifty Ways to Waste Your Weekend” missing, and Marge seems guilty. Lenny calls to ask if Homer needs a ride, but Marge runs the vacuum cleaner into the phone jack, knocking it loose before Homer can figure out what Lenny was talking about. Homer discovers Marge smoking a cigarette, claiming she wanted to fill the house the aroma of tobacco. When Homer starts to go outside for some fresh air, Marge panics. Homer quickly smells chili in the air, and Marge is forced to admit she’s been trying to keep him from going to the annual chili cook-off: every time he goes, he gets too drunk. Finally he agrees not to have any beer, and Marge says the family can go. At the cook-off Lisa heads for the vegetarian chili; Bart goes to claim (other people’s) items from lost-and-found; and Marge is shocked to discover there could be as many as eight spices. Homer is anxious to get to the chili, so Marge sends him off after reminding him not to drink. Reverend and Mrs. Lovejoy dance near Marge and comment on Homer’s binge drinking. Marge assures them Homer has promised not to drink. The chili cooks grow excited as Homer unsheathes his special chili spoon. Flanders’ “5 Alarm” chili is quickly revealed by Homer to be merely 2-Alarm. While Marge square-dances with Smithers, Homer quickly dismisses Moe’s chili and moves toward Chief Wiggum’s. As the theme from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly plays, Wiggum describes the mystical hot pepper he’s added to his recipe this year. The pepper burns Homer’s tongue so much he starts to guzzle beers to ease the pain. Marge catches him in the act. After drinking wax in desperation, Homer gets an idea: He returns to try Wiggum’s chili with a wax layer coating his mouth. After successfully downing several of the same hot peppers, triumphant Homer struts away. Soon, however, he begins to hallucinate, quickly losing his grip on reality and running madly away from the cook-off.

Homer hallucinates a bizarre desert scene; including a giant butterfly, Homer’s face melting, and a river transforming into a snake. Homer attempts to leave only to discover the sun setting and rising in conjunction with his footsteps. He determines not to do anything at all. Mrs. Lovejoy tells Marge that Homer embarrassed himself at the cook-off, and Marge assumes Homer got drunk, breaking his promise. In Homer’s hallucinatory world he follows a tortoise to a Mayan pyramid, and begins to climb. At the top he finds Marge, but she won’t respond and begins spinning away. A frustrated Homer cries out, “Why am I here?” A coyote appears to act as Homer’s spirit guide on a quest for knowledge. The coyote tells Homer he must find his soulmate. When Homer says his soulmate is Marge, the coyote questions whether that’s true. The coyote runs away. A train appears out of the sky and runs into Homer. Homer awakens to a golf ball hitting him in the forehead, and Kent Brockman calling for security to remove Homer from the golf-course sand trap where he passed out. When Homer finally returns home, Marge is upset that he (so she thinks) got drunk and broke his promise, humiliating her in the process. He tries to explain what happened, and asks her to understand because she’s his soulmate. When this angers Marge, Homer starts to wonder if they’re not kindred spirits after all. Homer walks away from the house dejected.

After an all-night furniture salesman asks Homer to leave his store, Homer goes to Moe’s and starts asking the regulars if any of them are his soulmate. None of them are, so Homer tries answering a personal ad, also to no avail. As the song “At Seventeen” plays, Homer sadly wanders through city getting rejected everywhere he turns. Finding a lighthouse, he excitedly declares that the keeper will surely understand his loneliness and become his friend. It turns out the lighthouse is operated by a computer. When a ship approaches, Homer knocks out the light so the ship will crash, bringing people (and potential friends) to the lighthouse. As the ship approaches, Marge bursts in. When she explains all the things about Homer that led her to look for him in the lighthouse, he realizes how well she understands him. Suddenly the ship’s horn sounds, and Marge scrambles to replace the giant light bulb in the lighthouse. The ship’s captain sees the light and narrowly avoids crashing into the rocks. As it runs aground nearby — spilling its cargo of hot pants to the excited townsfolk — Homer and Marge kiss in the light of the lighthouse, soulmates.