Homer receives a letter from the library notifying him about an overdue book. Homer explains to is family that he checked out “Classics For Children” when Bart was born…but somehow never got around to reading the book to his son. Lisa suggests he read it to the family now.

“D’Oh, Brother Where Art Thou?”—As the story unfolds, Homer appears as Odysseus, leader of the Greek army. Homer approaches Flanders, the King of Troy, and offers him a giant Trojan horse as a gift. Flanders accepts it, and later that night, Greek soldiers—Moe, Lenny, Carl, Apu and Professor Frink—sneak out of the giant horse and launch an attack. After emerging victorious, Homer vows to return home to his fair Penelope. Unfortunately, Homer refuses to sacrifice an animal to thank the gods for his victory. As a result, the gods—Mayor Quimby as Zeus, the Sea Captain as Poseidon, and Barney as Dionysus—plot revenge. The sea captain takes a deep breath and blows Homer’s ship off course. The crewmen are then tempted by sexy sirens, who turn out to be Patty and Selma, and later, the men drift by the Isle of Lesbos.

Meanwhile, back in Ithaca, Marge awaits the return of her beloved, as potential suitors line up to woo her. As Homer’s journey continues, he and his men find themselves at the mercy of a one-eyed giant in the form of the Comic Book Guy. Homer and his men, who are tied to a giant rotating spit, manage to break free and poke the giant in the eye. Later, the group encounters Circe, a sorceress, who turns everyone save Homer into a pig. After crossing the river Styx, Homer makes his way home and skewers all the suitors who had hoped to woo Marge.

“Do the Bard, Man”—In the next story, Bart appears as Hamlet. Homer’s ghost materializes in Bart’s bedchamber. He tells Bart to avenge his death, and describes how Bart’s Uncle Claudius murdered him by pouring poison in his ear. Bart remains doubtful and seeks proof of the claim. Later, inside a castle, Claudius, as played by Moe, is entertained by an improv group led by Krusty. When Krusty asks the audience to shout out different things to be used in the sketch, Bart offers “the castle,” “usurper of the throne” and “ear poison.” Moments later, Krusty and his improv group set to work, incorporating Bart’s suggestions into the sketch. Moe leaps to his feet…and suddenly blurts out that he didn’t use as much poison as Krusty was prepared to use on Sideshow Mel. Bart realizes that Homer’s ghost spoke the truth. He then vows to avenge Homer’s death. Unfortunately, he accidentally stabs Otto and Chief Wiggum instead. Enraged, Wiggum’s son, Laertes (as played by Ralph) vows revenge. But Moe tells the boy that just in case he fails, he’s poisoned the food, drapes and other items in hopes of killing Bart. During a practice session, Ralph stabs himself and dies. Bart then steps forward and slays Claudius.

“Hot Child in the City”—In the final tale, Lisa appears as Joan of Ark. The voice of God tells Lisa that he has chosen her to lead the French army and defeat the English. Lisa accepts the challenge. She tells a French general, played by Wiggum, of her mission, and suggests he stop using catapults to hurl people at the enemy. Instead, she encourages him to use rocks as a substitute. Later, Lisa appears in a French throne room, where she accuses Quimby, who’s wearing the crown, of not being the king. She then kneels before Milhouse, correctly labeling him “the true Dauphin.” Later, at a banquet hall, Milhouse gives a toast, telling his loyal subjects that Lisa will help the French defeat the English invaders. But during the battle, Groundskeeper Willie stuffs Lisa into a sack. Later, Lisa appears in an English court, where she is accused of heresy. At the town square, she is burned at the stake.

Back at the Simpson house, Bart and Lisa react with horror at the ending of the story. Marge insists that Joan of Arc was saved by Sir Lancelot…then eats a page out of the book.