Executives inform Krusty that due to FCC regulations, his show must include some form of educational programming. The decision is made to produce a children’s news segment, and Principal Skinner chooses Lisa as the “anchor child.” Marge convinces her reluctant daughter that Bart should be put in charge of the sports segment. Meanwhile, a mischievous Bart makes off with Groundskeeper Willie’s leaf blower. He aims the device at a large pile of leaves, making them blow into the open window of a shack where Willie sleeps. The structure fills with leaves until it explodes. As Willie is led away on a stretcher, he realizes Bart is the culprit and vows revenge. Homer, meanwhile, encounters a spider monkey inside the Kwik-E-Mart. Apu explains that he acquired the helper monkey after suffering injuries in a holdup. An intrigued Homer has Grampa apply for just such a monkey through an animal assistants program.

Bart’s charisma proves an instant hit with executives, and he is promoted to a co-anchor position. Lisa cannot hide her dismay. Hoping to upstage Lisa, Bart seeks out Kent Brockman for some pointers on how to become a great anchor. Brockman teaches him the fine art of making the most of human interest stories, those with emotional appeal and little else. Bart’s first story, featuring an old man who feeds ducks, is a big audience pleaser. But Lisa dislikes the segment and decides to fight back by producing her own frivolous stories. Some bad luck, however, scuttles the idea. Meanwhile, Marge reacts with horror when she discovers the helper monkey in the kitchen. Homer uses the monkey to steal donuts from a local shop. The animal gorges itself on the sweets, and soon after grows so lethargic it becomes useless.

As Bart’s popularity on the news broadcast soars, Lisa tries another tactic. Pretending to be a hard-working but homeless immigrant, she drafts a letter describing life in a junkyard. An excited Bart decides he must put the man on the air during a live broadcast. He races to the junk yard, where he finds a furious Groundskeeper Willie living beneath a corrugated tin. Lisa comes to Bart’s rescue. Using the same mindless drivel employed by Bart in his human interest stories, Lisa convinces Willie that Bart is his son. Bart thanks his sister for saving his life, but realizes how phony his stories really are. The pair later learn their show has been canceled.