As Bart and Milhouse stroll through the Springfield Mall, they notice bullies Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney working in a shoe store. Bart and Milhouse realize that as employees of the store, the bullies have no choice but to be nice to them if they pretend to be customers. Their scheme to torment them backfires when the bullies’ boss suddenly quits. The bullies exact revenge by hanging Bart and Milhouse upside down in their underwear. A short time later two Army recruiters spot Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney and attempt to enlist them. Dumb though they may be, they aren’t stupid enough to fall for the recruitment pitch. The desperate recruiters are forced to set their sights even lower. During an assembly at Springfield Elementary the recruiters compare fighting in a war to playing a violent video-game. The kids love the idea. They’re even more excited when they’re shown a recruitment film featuring a futuristic knight, explosions, and soldiers armed with electric guitars. Since all of the students are too young to enlist, they sign forms pledging they’ll join the Army once they turn eighteen. When Bart returns home, he shows Marge the form he signed. Horrified, Marge tells Homer to have a word with the recruiters and straighten things out. Homer convinces the recruiters to tear up Bart’s contract. Homer apologizes for the inconvenience, telling the recruiters that his wife made him do it. Sensing an opportunity, the recruiters convince Homer to enlist.

When Marge finds out that Homer joined the Army, she’s incredulous. There’s not much she can do, so she and the kids say their final goodbyes. Homer and the other recruits are sent to Fort Clinton, where they’re given haircuts, uniforms, and nicknames. After the recruits finish basic training, a colonel announces that each of the men will be given aptitude tests, and assigned specialties that match their skills. The Colonel tells Homer and several other stupid-looking soldiers that their test scores are the lowest in the Army’s history. As a result they’re assigned to play the enemy during the Army’s war games. When Homer returns home on leave, he tells his family the good news: he won’t be going overseas, but will instead be shot at in Springfield. Bart assures Homer he’ll do fine. One night, as the war games get underway, Homer and the other members of his team head out into the countryside. Using night-vision goggles, the Colonel and his elite team set out in search of their prey. Suddenly Homer remembers that it’s Chinese New Year. He fires off a flare gun in celebration. The elite soldiers are blinded by the intense light. Homer and his unit see the writhing soldiers and run toward Springfield. The Colonel tells his men to pursue Homer, even though it means invading an American city without authorization. As troops and vehicles enter the city, Homer and his team take refuge in the sewer system.

Homer bursts into Moe’s bar with his platoon. Homer begs Moe to hide him. Moe motions the men to a nearby trap door that leads to the basement. The Colonel and his men rush into the bar and toss a grenade into the basement. Homer opens a second trap door, and he and his men escape into the sewer system. Homer returns home and makes love to Marge. As Homer and Marge lay beneath the covers, a predator drone enters the bedroom. In a scene reminiscent of a classic cartoon, the predator drone chases Homer through the house. It’s eventually blown up after getting locked in a closet with boxes of TNT. The Colonel and his men make their way to a bowling alley thought to harbor Homer and his men. The Colonel orders an air strike, and a guided missile blows up the building, causing bowling balls to rain from the sky. As the fighting continues, Lisa tells Marge that unless something is done quickly, the entire town will be destroyed. Marge uses her “phone tree list” to spread the word to others. The townspeople gather at the Springfield reservoir, where they spike the water with alcohol. As the soldiers fill their canteens with water and start to drink, they become inebriated. After they fall asleep, the people of Springfield take their firearms and surround them. Homer blasts an air horn, and the Colonel is so hung over he agrees to surrender. Lisa reminds the Colonel that an occupying force can never defeat a determined local populace. The Colonel reminds Homer he’ll still have to serve the remainder of his tour of duty. Instead of being sent overseas, Homer is put to work as a recruiter.