When Springfield becomes the first city in the nation to hold a presidential primary, voters to turn the one person they can trust: Ralph Wiggum.

Homer, Lenny, and Carl observe as Mr. Burns walks through the power plant’s parking lot toward his car. No one can leave work until Burns leaves for the day. They react when a mailroom guy starts talking to Burns, delaying his departure. Homer phones the mailroom guy, and threatens to do his dog and family harm unless he shuts up. The mailroom guy backs away from Burns, and moments later Burns drives off. When Homer returns home, Marge reminds him about his new diet. Homer hates eating Marge’s healthy cuisine, so he sates his appetite by hitting the fast-food restaurants in town. Unfortunately he tosses all of the fast-food containers into the same drive-through trashcan along with some garbage from the house. Inside one of the trash bags is an old, leaky battery. The acid makes its way to a gas main. The resulting explosion destroys Springfield’s fast-food district. Mayor Quimby proposes issuing a bond to rebuild the district during the next election. Since the next election isn’t until June (when the presidential primary will be held), Quimby decides to move it to the upcoming Saturday. Lisa is elated: this means Springfield will be the first city in the nation to vote in the presidential primary. The news reaches NBC anchorman Brian Williams as he’s interviewing people in New Hampshire. Williams and his crew pack up their gear, and head for Springfield.

Reporters from around the country gather in Springfield to cover Saturday’s election. The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart also covers the event, where Krusty picks his brain for new comedy material. Springfield hosts a presidential debate, but what politicians from both parties have to say leaves everyone cold. Campaign workers realize that the Simpsons haven’t made up their minds about who to vote for. The workers arrange for the family to have dinner with the top presidential candidates. Homer gets fed up, and kicks everyone out. He decides that what the country really needs is a frontrunner who will demonstrate how tired everyone is of the primary process. On the night of the primary Kent Brockman announces the news: Springfield voters rejected all the leading candidates, and embraced a write-in… Ralph Wiggum.

Lisa declares that the primary results are a disaster: Ralph is the dumbest person at school, and the constitution states that a person must be 35 years old to become president. Marge asks her to have faith in the wisdom of the American voter. Television pundits point out that no one knows if Ralph is a Democrat or a Republican. The leaders of both parties realize that embracing Ralph means certain victory in November. Their efforts to court the boy are thrown off track when Lisa steps into the picture. She tells Ralph that he’s not qualified to run a country. Ralph stuns Lisa by saying a few intelligent things about wanting peace in the Middle East. Then he slips back into same-old-Ralph mode, and when he addresses the public he sounds like an idiot.