After a tip off from my new friend Nick Pope, I headed to the south coast to meet Ernie Sears. A man who has a remarkable story, something that changed his life forever. His experiences started as young teenager when he dreamt of an angelic being that lay on top of him and well…….milked young Ernie’s seed. A long time afterwards Ernie recalled being beamed up into the cosmos. This truly was an incredible account.
In order to help me on my mission to be abducted, Ernie offered to put his hands on me to see if he could summon up some aliens. It seemed the best place to so this was somewhere secluded, somewhere where no one could hear my screams.
Ernie believed that he could call up his extra terrestrial friends just by placing his hands on me. Now I won’t lie to you, I was sceptical but I was willing to give it a shot. And so Ernie and I sat together in a secluded field, touching. He told me that although he couldn’t guarantee something would happen now, I shouldn't be surprised if it happened at an inopportune moment such as when I was driving the car or making some tea.
And so after a few hours, some squirrels and few curious passers by later, there was still nothing. Ernie had put something out into the universe and all I could do was wait. After much reflecting and waiting for a potential abduction I wondered whether I had had a cosmic experience or had I just been touched up by a very pleasant gentleman?
If I was going to be flung up into the universe like Ernie it occurred to me that I was very under prepared, so I travelled up to the European space centre in Leicester to find out exactly what I could expect from a trip into space. Real life astronaut Daniel Brandt revealed the stark reality of space travel which includes:
• Blood rushing to my head
• A puffy face
And it’s not just the trip there that I have to worry upon return I may experience:
• A decrease in heart muscle
• A decrease in bone density
Scary stuff but I haven’t got time to worry about it, I’m already off to meet my next abductee, someone whose experience has given them super powers!
